Defenders--Game 8

Jeremy throwing first pitch--June 2, 2007


Practice week after the Memorial Day weekend layoff is usually where the team loses a stragler or two and seldom do 9 or more show for practice. [editors note: we had a Memorial Day weekend scrimmage which will be discussed in a near-future posting] This year saw the pattern of low practice turnout continue. Our first scheduled practice saw about 6 players appear. Taylor was again absent and has been missing a lot lately. Rumors are also circulating that she is hanging out with an unsavory crowd and I will address both of these issues with her soon. We warmed up by tossing the ball around and I hit some infield to the crew that was there. Anthony, who is quickly turning into our own T.O., has been getting lazy in the field and is recently prone to blaming everything and everyone for his miscues. "I thought he was getting it.", "I wasn't ready.", "Iwasn't looking.", "He was too close to me." I swear he would blame global warning if he had a chance. His whining is spreading to Josh and we need to get a grip on this malaise that is consuming our squad. The biggest source of the teams consternation is Joel and Kevin. It started slowly and has gotten out of control. Those two get blamed and yelled at by most of the team and the coaches are on the lookout for it and are ready to pounce at any misdirected blame.


I decided that we would hit some bp via our now regular speed drill bp routine, and I called the team in to assign spots. They started bitching about Kevin for some illusory transgression and I yelled at them to all shut up. At this point Taylor's mom was at the nearby bus stop and motioned to talk to me. We compared notes and concluded that Taylor was indeed playing us off of each other and we would tighten the net around the girl and get her back to her regular practice routine. I came back to the kids throwing dirt and chasing each other around the backstop. I yelled again and they all simultaneously tried pleading their case. I told them they were pushing things and they needed to shut up, get focused and start acting as a team. I told them what we were going to do, went to get a drink of water and returned to mayhem (I walked 40 feet away for 20 seconds). I returned to dirt throwing and name calling. I imploded. I started packing the gear, called them a couple of mild names (none of them curses) and told them I was ending practice. They looked shocked and sat on the dugout bench. I addressed them as a team and focused most of my yelling at Josh and Anthony. I think Anthony was near tears (he is the opposite of Kenny when you yell at him--Kenny takes it as a challenge, Anthony gets extremely offended) and I told them I was going to be a 'Saturday coach' and would show up for games and do nothing else. "When is the next practice?" one of the kids asked.
"I don't know if there is going to be one." I sternly sated as I began to triumphantly storm off the field amongst a bunch of bruised 13-year-old egos. Just as I got to the end of the dugout I saw Clayvon and Tytee's gear and realized that I had promised the two of them I would watch their stuff while they retreived their younger siblings from the nearby after-school program, a normal practice occurrence for these two. So intstead of storming off, I slithered into the bleachers and just sat fuming, and ignored the kids as they continued to practice on their own.

I took Jeremy, Clayvon and Tytee to the batting cages on Wednesday and told them I was rewarding them for being the only team members who were not terrorizing the two brothers (Kevin and Joel). Ralph is also on that list, but he has an extremely overprotective mother and I was not ready to try and get involved in that dynamic. Ralph is by far the quietest kid you can ever coach. You have to ask him 3 questions if you want three words out of him. "Yeah." and "O.K." are about the only two words you will ever get out of him, and he will play any position or do anything on the field you ask of him and he does it all with a simple, very quiet, "O.K."

We had another practice Thursday before our big game against Hynes' Heroes. The winner would be the favorite to capture the #3 seed in the playoffs and the difference between the #5 and #6 teams are pretty big, so that seeding will have an impact on how we align our pitching for the playoffs. I had called every kid and told them not to be late. Coach Chris and I decided we were going to give these kids a taste of a sports practice circa 1960's-1970's. 4 kids showed on time. Kenny and Josh were 3 minutes late. Kenny, who had blown off Tuesday's practice at the last moment (actually as I was walking to the field) with some mysterious water-bourne illness he allegedly contracted while at Virginia Beach the weekend before. It was a load of hooey. I had let Kenny borrow the catchers mitt, and it is heretofore unheard of for the coach to let any kid borrow equipment. That has been a bright-line rule for the team for years. So when he arrived late I stopped him in front of the team and took the mitt from his bag. It was like decommissioning an officer in the field. He argued meekly but he could see I had an attitude.

"And, you and Josh owe me a lap--gate to gate." a trek across two fields and back. He again tried arguing and accused me of only picking on him. They both ran and started practice. Ralph showed up late and he had to run as well. I pointed this out to Kenny who had a slight smile on his face but said nothing. Tytee and Clayvon blew off practice and I was a bit ticked about that event. Taylor was again absent after being told to be there. Christian was also absent for the second time that week and is constantly in trouble with me, school or his parents. He, handsdown, has the worst shithead attitude on the team. Coach Chris saw Alex, erstwhile coach of LICH and the Uncle and/or Grandfather of Kevin and Joel. He needed to get a permission slip signed for a summer camp we wanted to get the kids to join. We decided this woould be a good time to finally clear up the mystery of the family geneaology and Coach Chris flat-out asked him, "Are you their Uncle or grandfather?" to which Alex responded with a simple, "Yes." And, as they say, that will be that. We had a good, aggressive bp and every request or statement by any player was met with a sneer, growl or complete ignoring of the kid. They were beginning to sense a new sheriff in town kind of attitude. I felt we were having a good practice and a coach from a squad who will be playing this summer asked if we wanted to scrimmage. Their kids were all about 10-11 years old and this was their second practice. I felt our team would smoke these kids, but I accepted the challenge and instructed our kids to not go for the jugular, but to play hard and have fun but not try and show the younger, newer kids up.

Their team had a couple of decent players and a couple who looked way out of place. They put a kid at catcher who looked totally out of place. He wore shorts that kids in the 1960's wore and had a very timid look about him. I felt he either was mildly retarded or English, but either way I was worried about him behind the plate. I gave him our equipment to use and did not try to move him when he positioned himself 15 feet behind the batter. it was a good scrimmage--our kids hit well and ran well although I would not let them steal. I let Joel play second base and he was so thankful you'd of thought I gave him a hundred dollar bill. Kenny and Anthony deliberately misplayed a couple of balls in an effort to even things up and I yelled at them.

"Coach, we are doing it on purpose to let them stay close." pleaded Kenny. "I know." I said softly, "And so am I. I am yelling at you to make it look good." and we all went back to our positions. I was pitching so the other kids could hit the ball, and I let the kids play any position they wanted. I got in on the fun and fielded a ball and threw it real hard to Josh at first, but purposefully high. His eyes got as big as saucers and you could tell he was relieved the ball was going to go over his head. The game ended in a tie, and Sonia, who had arrived as we started the scrimmage, and Coach Chris and I all were proud of how our team had acted. That feeling lasted about 25 seconds.

Anthony and Josh and a few others were chasing Kevin around and it escalated into a near brawl. In the middle of all this was a former player from another team that was loitering in our dugout during the scrimmage. It decompensated very quickly and Anthony stormed off, muttering like a whiner admidst shouts of "Quit if you want, I do not care!" and "I never said I wanted to quit but I will if you want me to!" Kenny, Josh and Jeremy were still there and caught the wrath of coach. We have a 5 push-ups per curse rule on the team and I quickly garned about 100 of them in 2 sentences. Punk-ass bullies, dickheads and a few other less suitable for printing were hurled towards the kids. Kenny tried mounting a defense but was shot down by a stern look from Sonia. Kenny was trying to point out he was not involved in the chasing and I pointed out that as a teammate and team leader, he was supposed to do more. After my initial tirade, we were able to have a sembelance of a talk and it will be interesting to see how this all affects the team psyche.

Kevin

After the Thursday tirade, the 3 coaches there decided to have an after practice meeting to share a bite of food and discuss possible team strategies that had little to do with on-field performance. It was a good coaches meeting and lasted longer than we expected. There were reports of numerous headaches and slow mornings amongst the coaches the next day.

Friday I called Jeremy and asked him if he wanted to get some pitching practice in since he would be our starter the next day. I made him call Anthony and invite him as well. I met Jeremy on the walk to the field and he suggested that Anthony hear the 'speech' I shared with the others the night before. I asked him why did he think I wanted Anthony there, and he realized coach just may not be as dumb as he looks. We had a good pitching session and we have been working real hard with Jeremy and Ralph to develop another pitcher behind Anthony. Jeremy is finally getting consistent with his motion and as we were practicing one of the kid-kicker-offer leagues was gearing up for a game. I was actually glad since I did not want to throw too much with Jeremy and as we were packing our gear the softball coach came over and asked if Jeremy could play for them since they were short some players. Acting as guardian ad litum for the boy, I approved of the request and Anthony arrived as Jeremy was warming up with the team. Anthony and I had a repeat of the previous day's conversation, albeit a pg rated version, and I was impressed that the first thing he had done when arriving was apologize and offer a handshake. His psyche is a bit more delicate that the other kids so I explained to him why his actions were so important to the rest of the team. It was a good chat and as we were finishing up the softball coach came by and asked if I could play since they needed another body in the field. I have to confess that I accepted and played in the game for a team within the league that I often have nothing but derisive remarks. I justified my playing by realizing there were no kids or teams at the fields that day and we were not impeding on any kid getting to play. And I thought it would be a good opportunity to show the boys that I play how I preach. Without bragging, I have to report I hit a 2 run single my first ab and ended up 3-4, including legging out a grounder to short, and fielded all 3 of my chances in the field. And to prove my earlier written rantings correct, the team we played had two guys playing with dress socks on. Anthony was impressed with my play and Jeremy was 2-4 and had a nice running catch in the outfield. I felt our team was ready to play on Saturday.

Saturday morning saw our opponents with 10 players warming up and we had 4. Not good numbers. A few more green-capped kids, walking in a slumber, appeared and we had 8--enough to play. Anthony was missing and a quick call revealed he overslept. Joel arrived and Anthony appeared right as we had to take the field. I was able to keep Christian on the bench for his repeated transgression of disrespecting coaches from another team. Taylor arrived sometime in the second inning.

We were the home team and started the game with a strikeout. The next batter walked, tried to

steal and a good throw catches him in a rundown. It was not a good throw and it went by our ss, 2b and cf. Jeremy then struck out the next 2 and we were down 1-0, coming to bat. Heroes were pitching Carlos, definitely 1 of the top 3 kids in the league and he throws strikes. He had been late arriving and did not warm up. He walked the first two batters and Kenny scored on a single by Jeremy. Josh and Clayvon both made outs and with Kevin due up, I thought we would strand guys at 2nd and 3rd. Kevin hit a ball up the middle and we were able to push another run across. Jeremy got tossed out at home trying to score on a passed ball and we were up 2-1 after 1. Both sides were scoreless in the second and they scored twice in the third, one of them on another Kenny throwing error. Our first two batters struck out in the third and with Joel, he of 7 straight k's coming to bat, we figured it would be a quick inning. However, he walked and Kenny hit a hard shot to third. The fielder threw a soft toss to the rather corpulant firstbaseman and as the fielder reached for the ball he lost his balance and fell face first into the ground. As he thumped to the ground with a thud, the ball slowly rolled out of his glove and Joel scampered around the bases with Kenny hot on his tail. When Joel got to third, Coach Chris was in pure coach form and was widmilling the boy on towards home. Joel, who hates running drills, ran more on that play than he had all year as the firstbaseman wallowed in the dirt pawing for the loose ball just out of his reach. We tied the game and Kenny got stranded at third. The inning was delayed while we had what seemed to be a mini-brawl among the Giant players in right field during the inning. When the ump went to yell at them to get off the field, it became clear that the instigator of the situation was our fearless commish who had engaged in a wrestling match with about 6 of the players. He did not appear to fare as well as I did against Kenny in the wrestling forum.

Fearless Commish James

Jeremy pitched the fourth and was looking tired in the heat. He walked the botttom of the line-up to load the bases and plunked a kid to bring in a run. Anthony made a nice snare of a line drive down the first base line to save 2-3 runs and with the infield playing in, Kevin made a nice play to get the lead runner at the plate. We were shut out in our half of the inning and we sent Ralph to the mound. It had finally dawned on the coaches that since Ralph was so agreeable and would do whatever you told him, "Go to third." "Go to left." "Go in and bunt some." "Go take a seat on the bench." and every request is met with a simple, "O.K." So it went to reason that with his good arm that if we told Ralph, "Go out there and throw some strikes." he would and he did. The first batter grounded out to short which Josh promptly threw into the stands (o.k., it was really against the chain-link fence, but it sounds better the other way). Kenny then threw the ball into cf (again) on an attempted steal and we were down 5-3. Ralph then proceeded to strike out the next three batters and the ump told us our ab's would be our last chance since the dreaded time-limit rule was being enforced. With the top of our order and top 3 batters coming up, I figured we could not ask for a better situation. Inexplicably, they took Carlos out and put in the corpulant firstbaseman to pitch. It was about this time when Sonia discovered Kenny had 2 cans of Red Bull (a highly caffeinated drink) and was about to open one.

"NO! You cannot have a Red Bull, Kenny." said Sonia and I quickly joined in the ban and told him of all people on the team, he was in the least need of having more energy. Although we told him he should not drink the stuff at all, we decided that he could drink it before he went home, but after we were done with him for the day.

If you have never watched latin-dominated little league, it is a different experience than your suburban, white-bread brand of ball. The kids chant more and at times sing songs of some sort towards the opposing team. They are very rythymic and catchy. Kevin had been chanting at Carlos and it seemed to affect the pitcher. I was into the chant and was humming it to myself when Carlos looked over at Kevin angrily, shouted something at him in Spanish and feigned throwing the ball at him. I asked one of the kids what it was Kevin was chanting, and after a brief hesitation, I was told he was saying "Hey dominican kid, you can't pitch." (Kevin is from PR) Somehow, I felt the translation was being censored, so I told them to start cheering for our kids and quit jeering the other team. Privately, I have to admire some of the jeers they come up with. They call Ernesto (a really nice kid) from Southern Trucking, Chia Pet, because of his huge curly fro that gets squished under his cap, and there is a kid on the Giants that Kenny calls Peter Griffin (from the cartoon Family Guy) beacause of a similar looking cleft chin.

Anyway, we were down 5-3 with our last licks coming up. Kenny got on with a single, stole second and third. We had tried telling him to be cautious on the bases since his run, without others following, was worthless. He somehow took umbrage at this comment but knew to stay on third. Anthony hit a chopper to third and Kenny broke for the plate. Instead of going for the sure out he threw home, wildly, and we scored and had a guy on second. Jeremy was up. He had hit two balls to right earlier and the secondbaseman was playing 6 feet from second and the rightfielder was literally playing the line. I took Jeremy aside and told him when he hit the ball to right that he was to keep running right on through to home, aided by the now famous windmilling Coach Chris. Believe it or not, on the second pitch he did exactly what I told him and we ended up with a come from behind, last inning win on a 2 run walk-off hr. The team was estatic and the only down side to the day was both Taylor and Christian stayed on the bench--it was truly one of those 'this hurts me more than it does you' moments' although the two of them were not buying into the concept at the moment. We had the obligatory post-game pizza celebration and scheduled the next week's practices. Clayvon and Kenny did their ridiculous dance to the ringtone on Clayvon's phone and Clayvon, unable to help himself, kept playing the ringtone, knowing he could induce Kenny into the bizarre behavior at whim.

Kevin, Kenny, Tytee and Coach Chris at the pizza celebration

We went back to the fields to watch the remaining games and bask in the glory of our win. Anthony explained, upon being asked by the commish, that the reason he had been so late was that 'apparently a breaker went off and shut down his alarm'. The commish loved the irony of a Defender player dending himself with such qualifying language and I offered to wake our mini-A-Rod up for future games. As I watched the games, a group of our players and the Southern Trucking players were jostling around on another field. I decided I did not need to interfere until a 6 year-old kid came up to me and said matter-of-factly that a group of players had jumped Christian and were hitting him with a bat. What a surprise--the smallest kid with the biggest mouth getting in trouble. I started to walk towards the group and they all fled, including Christian. I felt pretty flushed with power. The game I was watching ended and I went about my chore of collecting the bases to store in the defendermobile. Christian walked by and told me they hit him in the head with a bat. Realizing there may be a modicum of merit to his claim, I feigned interest in his injury as he doffed his cap to show me the horrific injury. His sweaty hair was matted down and there was no other bump, bruise or sign of any injury, thus justifying my earlier feigning.

"See?" he said.

"Yeah." I replied as I trudged towards the car with the equipment. And that was the end of the discussion and investigation. I had been at the fields since 7:30 a.m. and it was nearing 2:00p.m. I loaded the car and took Kenny home before going to my place. Kenny told me they were painting his place and may not be moving to Florida after all. I had just got home and was enjoying some ice water and quiet when the phone rang.

"Coach, my mom says I am in the way of them painting and will pay for you to take me to the batting cages."

"Now?" I asked incredulously, while privately realizing the Red Bull must be kicking in on him right about now.

"Yeah."

"Kenny, I need to take a break, maybe a little later." knowing full well I was flat-out lying and that his mom did not have enough money to pay me to take him to the cages at this point in time.

"O.K." he said, "I'll check with you later."

We both hung up and coach turned off his phone knowing that would be the only way to get some peace the rest of the day.

The weeks results:

Nick.com Defenders 6

Hynes' Heroes 5

SoTruck 9

Sunset Park 8

Gibb's Giants 21

LICH 3

Giants 6-1

SoTruck 6-1

Defenders 4-4

Heroes 3-4

Sunset Park 1-5

LICH 0-5

As always, updates to follow.