Defenders--Game 10

Anthony throwing first pitch, Taylor ready at 2nd and Joel daydreaming in right about new ways to make an out on the basepaths

Still basking in the glow of our surprising victory over the first place Giants, I attended a Pirate-Yankee game with the Commish and his 6-month old son Jake the following day. It was bat day, and the deep-pocket corporate Yankees do the right thing and actually give out real Louisville Sluggers to all kids 12 and under. We felt that Jake needed a bat to cement his lifelong love of the game. The first time I saw Jake (about a month after his debut), his dad and I were talking baseball as dad held Jake. The conversation turned to the asterisk (Bobblehead Bonds) and the boy immediately began crying. Both of us took that as a sign that the boy is a ball fan and against steroids and HGH. So with that background, we scored a bat for the boy and proceeded to watch bp. Somehow, the bat got misplaced, so Jake's dad (name withheld for obvious reasons) decided to get another bat for the boy. Unable to turn down the smiling child, the grizzled usher melted and gave the boy another Louisville Slugger. It turned out that Jake's dad's friend had actually been holding the bat and now we had a dilemma of having 2 bats. We quickly resolved that Anthony, the stud hurler for the Defenders and the biggest ball fan (as well as Yankee fan) should be the recipient of the accidentally procured extra bat. It was a beautiful day and a great time with good friends and who really remembers the outcome of the contest--not that it mattered anyways. Jake with dad at Yankee Stadium

After leaving the hallowed stadium in the Bronx (with the accidentally procured additional bat), I proceeded back to our own little field of dreams to satisfy the milkshake wager I had made with Anthony on the outcome of the Pirate-Yankee series. As a word of caution to any of you out there thinking of getting into coaching, my years of experience have taught me that you should not make the same bet with multiple kids on the same event. I had done that previously and it cost me a small fortune in milkshakes--and besides, if I had won, how was I going to drink 5 milkshakes in one day anyway? One should have some sense of responsibility in gambling with adolescents--it also teaches them how to gamble responsibly. And for any of you do-gooders who think that gambling with these kids is wrong, you probably also think it is wrong to pitch inside to these kids and have the occasional 'purpose' pitch hit them or knock them down as well--and once you eliminate that--where does that leave room for any fun in coaching?

I met Anthony and tossed him the bat. I had entertained the thought of trying to get out of my milkshake obligation by telling him he could have the bat instead--but it did not seem right and after seeing his face light up at the sight and feel of the wooden bat, I realized that trying to do so would sully the moment so I told him the bat was a gift from Jake and his Commish dad. I had Anthony hit some grounders to me, and I honestly can not tell you who enjoyed that more. He was smiling making me run all over the place, and I was smiling as I reverted to a 11 year-old being hit grounders by my dad. It was very refreshing hearing a 'crack' of the bat instead of the 'ping' that you hear with aluminium. We finished the day quaffing down non-spoiled milkshakes and ice cream and departed with smiles and anticipation of a good practice the next day.

Everyone showed for practice on the Monday after our upset win (everybody loves a winner) and we proceeded to an open field for drills (Mondays are the easiest day to find an open field). As we started walking across the field, a couple of kids noticed a cat laying by the fence. The cat looked like it could either be pregnant or deranged--it was not moving much and was in a defense posture. Kevin was ready to go prod it when I very authoritatively declared that it was a feral cat and they needed to stay away. I do not know why I used that term, but it sounded ominous enough to make them think twice about going over to torture the feline.

"What does that mean coach?" asked Quincy.

"It means if it scratches you, you can get rabies and that its saliva is poisonous. If it hisses at you it could burn your skin." I told them, thankful that they were clueless to animal husbandry issues and any other knowledge about these animals. It worked because everyone gave the cat wide berth and the little feline had no idea how thankful it should be to the coach.

We had a good practice, doing some throwing drills and bp with teams. the kids really like the team bp concept we do and it keeps bp spirited, competitive and interesting. They do get pissy with me when I call strikes or enforce helmet rules, but overall it is the best way to run a bp and not have kids bored to death in the field.

Ralph, now fully accepted by the squad after his dominating performance, has started asserting himself (albeit very slightly) at these practices. He actually said a sentence, although it was only to say, "No, you guys only have 5 runs.", it was an amazing moment. He also ran out and out waited Joel at third and forced him to the outfield. Seeing someone as shy as Ralph stepping up like that makes it really worthwhile doing all this insanity they call coaching. Tytee is another example of this phenomenon. She has gone from being a batter who goes up and poses in the batters box to a player who you feel can actually be productive and help the team. Kenny is in love with her (as well as about 153 other girls/women/assorted females) and I am constantly telling him to leave her alone and to quit trying to hug her. He had insisted on having me take a picture with her at the pizza place during our last celebration and after he triumphantly went to wait for us outside, she asked to look at the picture and then very quietly asked if I would delete the picture, which I of course did. We both just smiled as I removed any evidence of the moment.

Tytee batting vs. LICH

The Monday practice was interrupted by a nice grandmother who asked if her grandson could play on the team. I told her the season was almost over but that he could practice with us. She asked if I would be responsible for the kid, and I agreed , never quite coming up with a common agreement on what 'responsible' exactly entailed. The kid was only 7, but was a big kid and handled himself well. Definitely a future Defender. I decided to end the bp when I realized that other than Coach Chris in right, I had Tytee, Clayvon and Anthony gossiping in center, Kenny, Ashley and Josh gossiping in left, (having cute girls on a team has its distinct advantages and disadvantages) Ralph at third and Joel, Kevin and the new kid trying to climb a tree behind the backstop. Everyone was cool with ending the practice so I packed the gear and looked for the kid I was allegedly responsible for. I heard what seemed like really big squirrels in the tree and I realized it was the 3 kids literally going too far out on a limb. I ordered them down and Kevin and the new kid just dropped like ripe fruit from a tree. I made sure Jeremy was going to walk the new kid back to the building they both shared when Kevin started yelling, "Oh, gross, he's making pee!" I looked over and saw water (or what I thought was water) falling from the tree. It was a gorgeous blue sky day and I knew it was not rain. Apparently Joel thought it was a good idea to take a whiz from his perch in the tree so we all scattered and I just shook my head as I entered the sanctuary of the Defendermobile wondering again why I did this stuff.

Wednesday's practice was less eventful. My top players all had called, or had their mom's call, and I was left with the lower part of my line-up at practice, which was actually good since they could all get extra attention. Clayvon showed up and immediately pulled a pork chop out of his pocket and finished eating it before taking the field. We tossed the ball a bit and he was throwing wildly.

"It's the salt." he said.

"What?" was all I could reply.

"The salt. The pork chop was too salty and it's making me throw funny." he claimed. I gave him a load of crap for that and told him to start throwing correctly.
Taylor was also at practice. She seems to have taken some of the talks her mother and I had with her and I really want her to be at practice because she can hit the ball good when she gets

enough practice. We really need a consistent batter in the lower middle of our order. She had a good practice and promised that she would be attending regularly and that her and Tytee had resolved their differences. If we can get her, Tytee and Ralph (as well as Clayvon) being more confident at the plate, we will have a formidable squad to contend with in the playoffs.

Taylor fending off a pitch

Tytee, Ashley and Clayvon all told me they would be at their prom (8th grade dance) on Friday and would not be able to make practice. I quizzed the girls as to who they were going with, if the kid was a good kid and if their parents had met the kid. Ashley, being rather new, was a bit cautious in answering me. Tytee, knowing that I look after all my kids, especially the girls, quickly told me her mom had met her date.

"Did she approve of him?" I asked.

"Yeah, she said he seemed nice, but that if he got stupid with me that she would cut him."

Coach stayed quiet and didn't feel the need to know any more details on this matter.

Friday practice had a full squad minus the prom-goers, Taylor (who said she was sneaking into the dance) and Quincy, who had disappeared yet again after making it to Monday's practice. We had a special guest at practice--my dad had arrived in town the night before. He wanted to see the squad in action. I realized I was going to be late for practice so I called Jeremy and told him to tell everyone I would be 20 minutes late. I was 8 minutes late. Kenny was waiting and said I owed him a lap for being late. I countered with the fact that I had said I would be 20 minutes late and I was only 8 minutes late, so really I was 12 minutes early. He seemed confused with my Nick Logic, and I relished being able to quiet the boy--even if just temporarily. I made the kids all introduce themselves to my dad and Anthony, our resident baseball expert, immediately ingratiated himself to the old farm boy by denouncing the Pirate manager. He gained more points by showing off his wooden bat that he now uses in practice. Coach Chris appeared and we wanted to impart to the team how important this win was for us regarding playoff seeding. If we won, we would play the 0-10 team, use Christian and Jeremy in the first round as our pitchers and be able to save the Ralphinator and Anthony for the big Saturday playoff against Southern Trucking. Besides, LICH had played a very spirited and close game the night before and I did not want to be their only win of the year. We had a fairly good practice, but the kids started in-fighting and I called a meeting at the mound and told them in no uncertain terms that they were not to embarrass me in front of my father. I made very specific threats to them which I cannot reveal here because I believe the statute of limitations on terroristic threats is longer than 1 week--suffice to say, they calmed down just a tad. However, the inevitable softball league found their way to where we were practicing and the kids wanted to get in bp before leaving. Coach Chris and I would have rather left, but the kids found another field and we trudged across the street with all the gear to the field they call the stadium. It is a regulation size field and has lights and I was shocked that it was open. I was the last to arrive because I had to make sure the Friday game between LICH and Sunset was getting started since the commish was unable to make the game.

By the time I arrived at the stadium, the team was in full melt down. As a rookie coach, Coach Chris still catches a lot of flack from the older kids, especially Kenny, so we had to have another meeting. Kenny felt the coach had disrespected him by telling him to go to the outfield. As a loose rule, at some of the bp sessions, we let the bench players, especially Joel, play 2nd or 3rd since they do not get much action in the games. Kenny was offended. We muscled through bp and were getting ready to go over to watch the game. I told the kids, against better judgment, that I would buy them ice cream. However, when Coach Chris tried to address his irritation with Kenny, he turned his back on the coach, walked away 10 feet and pretended to tie his shoe. I cancelled the ice cream promise and told the team they could thank Kenny. Everyone was dour-faced as we went to watch the other game. Kenny kept saying "Go to the outfield!" much to the irritation of the rookie coach, who, admittedly was not in a good mood to start with (and being around a dozen energetic kids rarely is a panacea for such moods). Coach Chris decided to leave and I was pissed at Kenny for his disrespect to someone who has given so much time and effort. He kept trying to goof with me but I was having none of it. He finally figured out I was serious and left me alone, briefly. I had promised Kenny's granddad I would escort him home, and although I wanted to hang him from a flagpole, I did my duty. Kenny called me later that night to ask when the game was the next day. It meant he wanted to talk about what happened at practice. I spoke to him for about 10 minutes explaining why he had to respect all coaches and that if he felt that he had been disrespected, he should have addressed the matter. I told him he had to apologize to the coach. He thought he was being benched and I told him that he was not being benched, but that he needed to act right with the coach. I really think I got through to him. He asked what time I would be there in the morning and before I hung up he said he had one more thing to say,

"What's that Kenny?" I asked innocently.

"Coach Brett, Go to the outfield!" and he laughed as we hung up the phone. The boy does not hold a grudge.

Saturday, Kenny went right up to Coach Chris and apologized without any further prompting from the coach. I thought it would set a good mood for the day. Jeremy was going to miss the game, and Anthony, who had been moody of late, was going to take the mound. We were the

visiting team. Kenny took charge of the team and led them through the pre-game stretches. All the teams have their own personalities. The Yellow team fights amongst themselves the most.

The Blue team can be induced to argue and have incredible melt downs. The Red team, for a lousy 0-10 team, cheers the loudest and longest of all the teams, and our squad is the most gossiping squad to ever play the game. Clayvon, Tytee, Taylor and to a lesser degree, Anthony, can gossip with the best of them. It drives the coaches crazy sometimes because they forget a game is going on, but it builds camaraderie in its own bizarre way.

Team pre-game stretch--notice gossiping Clayvon

Kenny, who had only made 4 outs in 26 plate appearances, led off with a pop-up to short. Not a good beginning, but we quickly put 3 on the board with Anthony, Kevin and Josh all crossing the plate safely. Anthony k'd the first batter and then hit the next two. However, Kenny gunned out the first plunked batter with a nice throw to second on an ill-advised straight steal. A grounder to second should have ended the inning, but a seriously bad-hop that Taylor almost handled rolled into center. Christian, playing shortstop, made a wild throw home on the relay before Anthony ended the inning with another k. 3-1 after 1.

Tytee led off the second with a walk, Joel struck out and Ralph got his second hit of the year. He was so damn excited he threw the bat all the way to Long Island (actually to the back of the backstop) and the ump called him out--just the beginning of a long, weird day of keeping score.

It was still 3-1 going into the 3rd and we put 5 of the first 6 batters on base, but a lack of a slide at third resulted in Clayvon, who was safe, being called out for violating the 'must slide if there is a play' rule. He argued that the third baseman had tripped him and I countered with the fact that if he had slid as the coach had instructed, there would not have been an ability to be tripped. He countered with, "But he tripped me." and we let it go at that--another written out (outs that are too bizarre to score by standard baseball scoring systems--so I write it out in text in the scorebook). We scored two that inning and had a 5-1 lead.

Anthony struck out the first two batters and then gave up a single. The baserunner was lazy and Josh, playing first for the absent Jeremy, kept sneaking in for a throw. We had been practicing those throws so I told Kenny to load the gun and fire. Next pitch, Kenny head faked like he was throwing to second and zinged a throw to first and Josh tagged the kid out. It was as beautiful a play as you will ever see. It fired up our kids for the top of the 4th with us leading 5-1. Joel struck out, Ralph got a hit and took second on an error and third with a steal. Kenny was up and walked on a 3-1 pitch. The ball got past their fat catcher and as Kenny started towards first, he turned towards third and started waving Ralphie home. The pitcher, taking a detour towards the plate, collided with Kenny. The ump called the batter out and runner out and Kenny erupted like Mt. St. Helens. But we had heard wrong and it was the runner who was out and Kenny, after my attempts at calming him and cajoling him (finally threatening him), finally relaxed enough to take his base. Another written out for the scorebook. Anthony cleared the bases with a shot to right and had a legit 2 run homer. Kevin got on by an error (which I include in their on-base percentage ratings--against major league rules but who gives a *%*# about how they do things) followed by a hit by Josh. We ended up scoring 5 more (would have been 6 and enough to mercy but for the interference call) and were in command of the game. We took a 10-1 lead into the bottom of 4th inning.

Josh about to steal 3rd

Anthony wrapped 3 k's around 4 walks, and the ump announced we had 1 inning left due to time constraints. we had a 10-2 lead and the 3 seed was ripe for picking. Tytee led off with a walk and Joel, to all of our surprise, did not strike out but got a walk. Tytee had stole 2nd and 3rd and Joel, as he is wont to do, ignored Coach Lou's pleas for him to steal 2nd. Ralph k'd and Kenny, overdue this game, hit a line drive to deep center. Tytee took off for home but the centerfielder, holding her glove in the wrong position and with her eyes closed pocketed Kenny's rope. We all yelled for Tytee to get back to third, she was running back with the ump following to make the call when out of nowhere came Joel, head down and oblivious to all the other action, rounding third (in good form I must add) past the runner, past the now non-windmilling Coach Chris and past the running towards him ump as he headed to the plate. The ump, who was poised to make an out call just smiled, shook his head and said everybody was out and the team was quite pissed at Joel. He has been on base 3 times this year and has made 3 baserunning outs. He does not pay attention in practice and when he does come to practice he ignores all instruction--which was quite obvious in that inning. The team was getting mad at the ump for all the written outs that were being called and I kept reminding them we were winning the game. Anthony pitched the fifth, struggled a bit, but we kept him in more to satisfy his fragile psyche that out of need. He gave up a meaningless run, walked Natasha (a very cute girl for LICH) for the third straight time and closed out the 10-3 victory with a nice play on a difficult ball hit to the first base side of the mound. He garnered the game ball (as well as teasing about half of his walks to the cute girl) for all of his efforts.

We added a new wrinkle to our post-game celebration this game. There is a big municipal pool across the street from our fields. On the sidewalk/plaza area, there are picnic tables under some trees (all on concrete, of course). The pool is not yet open for the season and the plaza was empty, so we ordered pizza and had it delivered to the field area. We ate outside, the kids were able to run around instead of sitting in a hot pizzeria and we lingered for a good hour (all the coaches) after the pizza, just watching the kids play run-down, chase each other and ride Coach Chris' bike around. It was such a good moment that no one was yelling, complaining (they expressed concern about liquid emanating from the trees [I quickly made sure Joel was at ground level and not repeating his earlier performance] that looked suspiciously like bird piss and they were not buying my old farmer father trying to convince them that it was just sap from the tree) or even harassing little Joel or Kevin. The team all sat around and ate pizza as we discussed the efforts of all the players and talked about our upcoming preperation for the playoffs. The team was bonding well and playing well (won 5 of 6) and we all left with some positive feelings about the upcoming playoffs.

I had to drive Kenny home but I told him we were stopping by the Urban farm that was about 2 blocks away that a friend of mine, Ian, runs. I wanted my dad to visit the location. Kenny, happy to just be preoccupied with anything, said that was cool. Ian was not at the farm, but a couple of workers told us we could look around and also pick some of the ripe strawberries. I asked Kenny, knowing the answer, if he had ever had fresh off the vine strawberries. We showed him where they were, he waited to see if I would eat one and then he started. Natural sugar for the hyper-active boy. He didn't say a word as he scarfed down a dozen of the tempting, fleshy fruits ripe for the taking and I couldn't think of a better metaphor of where our team's season is at this point in time.

TEAM REGULAR SEASON BATTING STATS, ABBREVIATED VERSION

PLAYER P.A. ON BASE % (P.A. = Plate Appearances)

Kenny 30 .767

Anthony 27 .667

Kevin 21 .667

Jeremy 25 .600

Josh 26 .577

Christian 19 .429

Clayvon 19 .421

Ralph 25 .400

Quincy 10 .400

Tytee 18 .389

John 7 .286

Taylor 18 .278

Joel 14 .214

This week's results:

Hynes' Heroes 18 (Thurs.)

LICH 3

Sunset Park 14 (Fri.)

LICH 11

Gibbs' Giants 11 (Little Josh pitched a no-hitter)

Hynes' Heroes 0

Defenders 10

LICH 3

SoTruck 16

Sunset Park 8

FINAL STANDINGS:

Giants 8-2

SoTruck 8-2

Defenders 6-4

Heroes 4-6

Sunset Park 4-6

LICH 0-10

PLAYOFFS:

Sunset @ Heroes 6/21

LICH @ Defenders 6/22

6/21 winner @ Giants 6/23

6/22 winner @ SoTruck 6/23

As always, updates to follow.